War Wounds
by TeaRoses
Summary: Based on the TV anime. In a time of turmoil, Walter Dornez and Peter Ferguson form a bond. WalterFerguson.


Note: Some people do not like to read male/male pairings. Some people do not like to read pairings involving old people. Some people do not like to read fic based on the TV anime. If any of this describes you, you're probably better off skipping this story. 

Disclaimer: Hellsing belongs to the talented Kohta Hirano, not to me. I guess technically Ferguson belongs to Gonzo and Pioneer, but he wouldn't have existed if it weren't for Hellsing.

War Wounds

Walter was hesitant to approach Peter Ferguson about taking a position in the Hellsing organization. The man was a decorated war veteran, and very likely might want nothing to do with a private army that hunted vampires and kept its activities as secret as possible.

But Ferguson responded positively to Walter's initial inquiries. And when Walter mentioned the undead at the interview, Ferguson neither walked out nor called Walter insane. Walter was certain he was skeptical at first, and respected him for that, but in the end Ferguson seemed intrigued by what they were doing. He struck Walter as a very loyal type of person, and seemed a lucky find to be the commander of Hellsing's forces.

Sir Integral interviewed him next, and was also impressed with his qualifications. He was hired, and moved into Hellsing manor where he began settling in. Walter was surprised that he seemed to have no family or many possessions. He seemed to be the ultimate in a career military man. That was interesting to Walter, since he had also been completely devoted to Hellsing.

As time passed, Ferguson took command and ran Hellsing's forces with firmness and compassion. He was a good strategist but never lost sight of the fact that these were real men's lives he was dealing with. Walter's respect for him increased, and he also began to find an appeal in Ferguson's smile and rugged looks, and his way of carrying himself. Even the scar on his face, which Ferguson explained away as "only a war wound" was compelling. He told himself that this was not appropriate, to take such an interest in another person at his age, and though he could not resist occasionally joining Ferguson at meals he refrained from asking the man personal questions.

"I thought it would be easier, killing vampires and ghouls," he told Walter one night at dinner. "They always want to tell you that the enemy isn't human so you'll do what you have to do, and here's an enemy that really isn't human. But I keep thinking they were people once, so it's only so much easier. Do you know what I mean?"

Walter knew exactly what he meant.

"When I first joined Hellsing I was barely in my teens. The only important thing seemed to be to do what they told me to. I don't regret that, but I still think about the nature of life and what I have done."

Ferguson nodded. There seemed to be an understanding developing between the two men, and it made Walter slightly wistful again.

For a while Walter only saw Ferguson when the commander requested new weapons for his army, and they had little time to talk personally. But one day Walter was looking over the cemetery grounds and Ferguson walked up to stand next to him.

"Is it hard for you, seeing the graves?" Ferguson asked.

"Why, because I'll be there soon myself?" replied Walter.

Ferguson protested and denied thinking that, but Walter only laughed and assured him he was only joking. But then he grew serious.

"I do think of them. They weren't my men; I've never been a commander, but I knew almost all of them."

"It doesn't matter if they were in your command or not, it's still sobering to see how many have fallen," said Ferguson.

"If you left the army hoping that Hellsing would bring less of that sadness, I'm sorry to tell you that things are heating up. We may need all the space here soon."

Ferguson shook his head. "That's bad news. But I wasn't expecting Hellsing to be any easier than the military."

"Why did you leave the military?" Walter asked.

Ferguson turned away slightly and looked off into the distance. "Homosexuality. There's a push to change the law, but as it is, they can throw you out. For some reason someone from my past began spreading rumors, and I thought I should get out voluntarily before they got even worse."

This news surprised Walter, and he knew that now he had to speak.

"At Hellsing it is different. We can't afford to pry into anyone's personal life.

He was nervous now, uncertain how much he should say.

"When I was young, I did whatever I wanted," he said, laughing slightly. "With men or with women. I was just expected to be discreet. When I grew older and was a butler who stayed at the Manor all the time, well, I was expected to be even more discreet. Anyway, I've enjoyed solitude in my old age for the most part. But you should have no problem here."

Walter waited for a moment, feeling suspended, wondering if he had said something too personal. Ferguson turned to look at him.

"I've been alone. Maybe sometimes it is better."

Walter was unsure how to interpret this, but he looked the other man in the eye and slowly brought his hand up to touch the scar on his cheek. When Ferguson did not move away, he knew something had changed, and despite the complications it could bring he was glad.

"Sometimes," he said softly.

The FREAK situation was starting to become worse, so both men were incredibly busy, but they met when they could. They were extremely secretive about the relationship, since while Hellsing could afford to lose neither man there was still the possibility of reprisal. Walter never wanted to admit that he was not feeling strong, and he liked having someone else to be with, to borrow their strength. He was unsure what the other man saw in him, especially as Peter was much younger, but Walter was glad to lighten Peter's days in any way that he could, and glad to have found anyone to be with this late in his life. Sometimes it seemed slightly ridiculous to Walter, two tired old men meeting in secret. Other times it seemed perfectly natural.

He found out that the scar on Peter's cheek was from a land mine. One of his men had stepped on it, and Peter had seen him die.

"I was covered in his blood. I didn't have time to think about a piece of metal buried in my face. And we couldn't stop, we had to keep going."

"You've been very brave. I know you were decorated. It's not right that you couldn't stay in the military," said Walter.

Peter shrugged. "Maybe it was time to move on in any case. I served well; I commanded my men as well I could, and I have no regrets. But I like this place also. People are dedicated here, and Sir Integral is a brave woman herself."

"Yes. Of all the Hellsings I've served, she is my favorite."

Peter shared his war stories, including the Gulf War.

"It was a different sort of war, with desert camouflage and the enemy hard to find at first. And morale was low, with soldiers questioning why we were there when these people were not really our allies. But I'm proud of how well we did, all the same."

Walter occasionally told stories of the war in Europe, and fighting vampires in England years ago. Peter once asked him, though he smiled when he said it, if it was true that Walter had carried on with Alucard in his younger days.

Walter had laughed.

"Occasionally, very long ago. There's an energy one gets after battle, as you know, and that's one way to deal with it. But as for a relationship... we were comrades-in-arms. I'm not sure Alucard is capable of some sorts of feeling."

"And are you capable of them?" Peter had asked, looking at him curiously. Walter tightened his arms around him and did not respond.

As the FREAK situation worsened, there was no time for such conversations. Then when the Valentine Brothers attacked, Walter was hoping he was not too old to defend the manor. He was a servant and a soldier, and he always put that first. He was able to tend Peter briefly after the new vampire brought him back, wounded and unconscious, but though he was relieved that Peter was still alive he knew that he could not wait by his side. He told himself that he had seen comrades wounded and killed before, and that he had to remain impassive.

Alucard, who may or may not have sensed something, distracted Walter with conversation. Then the new vampire came back. She went straight to Peter to see how he was, and Walter liked her for that. But it was time now to fight, and he had left Peter and drawn out his long-unused wires with Seras Victoria providing back-up.

When it was all over, he found out that Peter had indeed survived. But both men were devastated by Hellsing's massive losses. Walter had to support Sir Integral, as he knew she felt responsible for the carnage, though she barely showed her distress even to him. The next few days saw Integral nearly killed and Walter succumbing to mind control. It was all he could do to keep Hellsing and his own mind together though he remained the stoic butler through at all. He spoke to Peter only professionally, and reminded himself yet again that his main concern was Hellsing.

When the final attack came, Walter protected Sir Integral as best he could. She was furious that Hellsing had been branded the enemy of England rather than its protector , and Walter been preparing to evacuate Sir Integral in the helicopter when a soldier came running up to him. Peter Ferguson had been shot by the military as a terrorist.

Walter had no time for anger or sadness then. It was an emergency, and Peter was another fallen soldier. He had tried to fly out with Sir Integral, and then he himself had fallen.

Walter was only conscious for brief periods for two days. When he finally was alert again, he was in the hospital, with pain in his arm and head. The nurses came to tell him that he had a broken arm and a head injury, but he only wanted news of Hellsing. When he found out that Sir Integral had been imprisoned, he felt that he had failed in saving her, even though she was alive. At least he knew that Alucard would protect her at all times.

It was then that his grief for Peter took hold. Seras Victoria reported that he had died with dignity, but where was the dignity in being shot by the military you used to serve? He knew that Ferguson had been killed defending Hellsing, but it was little consolation for the fact that only Walter and Hellsing might ever know that he had been an upstanding man all his life.

And Walter himself would miss him. He finally allowed himself to feel that, above his regrets for everything else that had happened. When a soldier brought a paper to sign for Ferguson's burial, he reflected that this loss was a war wound of another kind, though one that he would have to keep hidden. He told himself to remain steadfast, as Sir Integral still needed him, but there was a part of him that was glad that he had only a few more years to experience this sort of pain.


End file.
